Is it not like the most downer part of your day when you find what you think to be a cool blog on pinterest about diy ways to organize and be shabby chic with awesome ideas…and then you go to it and you slowly recall that you’ve been there before and that their ideas really aren’t all that good, or practical, or shabby chic, or appropriate to your lifestyle??

That just happened. Talk about an immediate high to slow low. I saw it earlier and was looking forward to lunch so I could peruse it. Now I have time to write you this diatribe instead. It’s almost like a read-along to the site.

Here is the web site in question:

http://www.harvardhomemaker.com/over-100-ideas-to-help-you-organize-your-home-and-your-life/

And here’s the pin that made it seem like this was gonna be “my” site:

http://pinterest.com/pin/254946028878379322/

I mean the first one – separate laundry in these bins. Fuck, separating my laundry just adds to my day. I do laundry in the organization style of “what fits, goes in – anything pricey to the cleaners”.

Don’t give your child a hamper – so they have a cleaner room! Lady, that shit has got to go somewhere. And I’ll be damned if they’re going to walk it to the laundry room on their own. No one’s got time for that. I’ll be picking up laundry all fucking day.

Nail polish on socks? wtf? You just showed me how to hang loners so they can find a mate, now I’ve also got to ruin them? Why do I need sock tip 1 if sock tip 2 solves all those problems?? Don’t try to reason with me woman!

I love her creative suggestion of using over-the-door racks. Like I haven’t been doing that since I was a college kid with 400 pounds of clothes and one square inch of storage.

Labels!  Label things! why? Because you’ll be able to find things easily. Genius.

Building shelves between your studs for cool knick-knack storage. How the hell am I going to do that? How long does this take? How do I find the space? How do I know how big it is? How do I know how secure the shelving will be? What is the pound limitation on this set up? How do I re-tile that shit? This seems much more complicated than some casual Saturday afternoon fun wine time craft.

I do like the toilet paper basket holder. Not the most ingenious thing but I like the look.

While she’s right that the hook looks nicer than the rack, it’s like those infomercials where the woman just makes a fucking mess using any regular blender. But never with this super special blender. Like couldn’t the kids still not hang their stuff properly and it will still fall to the floor?

Again, more ingenious hook ideas….

Glass jars – fine for the cotton balls but lady your makeup brushes are none too pretty to be displaying like art.

Online grocery shopping???!!  1. You’re a stay at home mom. Really? Going to the grocery store is just “too much”? 2. I freaking love grocery shopping. How dare you try to take that away from me.

List! Use lists – perhaps with a pen!!! I’m not even going to get in to this one.

Cabinets! Much like pantries, only slightly different. Oh, and it will require you to construct a cabinet because you’ll probably have a pantry….that also stores similarly to cabinets

Remove snacks from boxes and put in an open, separated free-for-all drawer. Yeah, I’d eat through about 10 packs of those keebler elves before I knew what hit me.

Always double recipes….I triple recipes and that barely covers dinner for one night.

Put appliances in cupboards – 1. don’t people already do that with appliances that are not used regularly. 2. How fucking annoying would it be to have to retrieve and put back your coffee maker every. damn. day. I mean when you’re a stay at home mom I guess you have that time, unless of course it’s grocery shopping. Then again, ain’t nobody got time for that.

A refrigerator drawer??? I would love that. Can someone please install it and then not charge me what I am sure would be $1000.00+ for it?

I actually do keep recipes in a binder. I approve.

Keep bags handy…..

Organize by color….

Ah, more hooks. You can use hooks for all kinds of things apparently.

Oh. My. God. More hooks. For more things.

More hooks. More things.

Use shower clips to hang bags – while in the picture it seems to make a lot of sense and gives you a shelf below that the bags were originally on, it’s making a lot of assumptions about that fact that I wasn’t already using the rod for clothes prior and need that shelf space to now put things, like bags, on. Or you know…a seat, to put shoes on. Because I don’t already have a bed, chair, couch, etc. And I need to sit to put on my shoes.

Again, label shit. It’s helpful.

Shoes stored in drawers – ew! That would smell awful. Maybe that’s just my shoes.

Again with the laundry – now we’re sorting by person and then by color. Oh my god, the time. I’d enforce the “kids do your own laundry and good luck policy”. One shrunk pair of pants – they’ll learn.

This woman must have about 500 doors and 600 blank walls.

Let your kids dress themselves – builds confidence. That girl is at least 7. If she’s not dressing herself you have issues other than just confidence. And you can let kids make their own bed (if you have the patience to deal with a somewhat messily made bed for 6 months, whew, tough).  I feel that this would pair well with my have your kids do their own laundry plan. But I guess we can only trust kids with minimal stuff right now. And we can only deal with the stress of their poor choices one chore at a time.

Put your backpacks somewhere….

I can’t even get in to keepsakes and memories. I don’t even take pictures these days. But that baby teeth thing grossed me out.

Journal what your kids do and say. I am sorry, but what? Now I’ve got to follow my kid around with a pen and paper like they’re fucking Bill Cosby, Churchill and George Carlin all rolled in to one???

Pregnancy book? Yeah let’s monitor how fat and bloated I can look over the course of 9 months.

This woman thinks you have time and space for a book on fucking everything.

Her 2012 gift list seems both sad and upsetting. I feel a lot of people were disappointed that year.

Install outlets in handy places. Yes, would love to – but then I’d have to call, pay and take time off to have an electrician do that shit for me.

Again with the labels.

All right, I’m done for now and lunch is over. Looking forward to wine later. Enjoy!